Monday, 3 January 2011

Blogging myself better

Well that was quite a long and unexpected bloggy break - sorry about that and thank you for the kind emails you have sent asking if things were ok.

Unfortunately things haven't been ok for quite a few months.

I've had problems with severe anxiety for over 15 years and have pretty much learnt how to live with it with the help of good old prozac but earlier this year,  in my wisdom,  I decided that I was "better" and didn't need the medicine anymore.

Oh how wrong I was.

And although I came off the tablets gradually the dramatic crash when I hit rock bottom wasn't gradual at all.

I quickly got myself back on my medicine and things started to improve but then I became severely depressed as well.

I'm used to dealing with anxiety and keeping busy to distract myself but the total nothingness of depression was something new and I haven't known how to deal with it.

From knitting 6 different projects at once I found myself unable to craft or read or do anything at all and that was hard.

I think I'm beginning to get better - although each day is difficult - and I have decided to try to "blog myself better".  I've always found blogging to be the perfect way to celebrate the little things that make life lovely and now more than ever I need to notice and appreciate those little things.

Lucy xxx

58 comments:

dottycookie said...

Oh Lucy. (hugs)Lucy(hugs). I'm so sorry. I've been thinking of you today, funnily enough, and wondering what you've been up to - I just assumed you were incredibly busy. I'm sorry you've not been well - and I really hope that you are going to continue getting better every day.

Rubys mamma x said...

Hi Lucy *big squeeze* coming your way! I suffer from anxiety too, its a real bag of crap sometimes isnt it?!
Just take your time and slowly slowly things will be less grey and hopefully more rosey for you...try and blog if you can-but if you cant, dont sweat it. 2011 Is a new year, but dont feel pressured by that, it takes as long as it takes to feel better, but we'd love to have you back!!
Will be thinking of you...for now..stay calm, and peaceful,
Lots of love, Kirsty xxx

Ali said...

Oh Lucy - like Val, I'd just assumed the new job was taking up all of your time. Depression is hard, but I think you're right - Dr Blog always seems to be able to help a little for me and I hope the same might be true for you.

Take your time, heal well, and I'm ever so glad to have you back with us.

MichelleW said...

Oh Lucy, so sorry to hear you've not been well - I thought you were just having a blogging break and didn't like to bother you.

Hopefully 2011 will see you turning a corner and I hope you feel much better - I hope blogging yourself better helps - blog away :0)

Just be gentle with yourself and take baby steps and soon you will be back to your normal chirpy self.

Lovely big welcome back hugs,
Shell xx

trash said...

Hello there Locket. Glad to see you are feeling better enough to have a little play at the blog. That is the joy of this coalface, it just sits there waiting for us to come and chip at it a little bit.

Looking forward to discovering the lovely little things of life with you.

Keepapi Creative said...

So glad you are feeling better enough to, as Trash says, chip at the coalface. Sorry you have had such a crap time. I have also seen into the abyss of anxiety and depression. Its horrid! I wish you gentle recovery and renewed strength. I used nutrition to help me back on my feet (after no. 2 child) which really helped. lots of love and hugs. xxx Jacs x

Plum Cox said...

When the brain and chemicals won't play properly it does make for a miserable time, doesn't it? Thanks for being brave enough to share your difficulties with us. I hope that things improve for you, with the right chemicals if that is what is needed - and no more shame to taking them than there is to wearing spectacles.
Sending you all good wishes for the New Year.

Shelley said...

Hi Lucy!
I too suffer from depression and have my good and really bad times, I'm a journal writer, I blab for page after page and find it makes me feel so much better. I have gone months with no crafting as I literally could do nothing for myself but the baisics, dealing with three kids too was sometimes beyond comprehension!!!! Now I am in good times, life is rosey again as it will be for you too. Take each small thing you do each day as something wonderful... each smile your child gives as a present just for you... then one day you'll wake up and it won't seem half as bad.
Take care and keep blogging :)
Love Shelley xxxx

Annie said...

I think that was an incredibly brave post and I admire your strength. Depression appears to be such a cruel illness and I hope that you can get on top of it. I love reading your blog and will be proud to share this journey with you and offer whatever support I can.

Daisie said...

Well, all of the above really, big hugs, cups of tea and one day at a time. Thinking of you xxx

jennyflower said...

Good plan, glad you feel able to plan. Hope it helps. x

periwinkle said...

Wish I had what it would take to make you feel all better my friend but you know where I am if you need anything - ( even a trip to Kemps ) Big hugs x

nicolette said...

Sorry to read about your health issues.
I hope this post will be the turning point for you! It’s so brave to share what happened. Hugs and positive thoughts are on their way to you!

Jan said...

Oh Lucy dear Lucy ,I have been there so I know ,I hope Dr Blog is the answer ,love Jan xx

silverpebble said...

Lucy! I'm so glad you're here. I think this is a seriously good idea. A picture here and a blogpost there. Small things can really really help xxxx

Chris said...

Bless you for telling us. I'm lucky not to suffer but my husband suffers depression & my son anxiety.
Not an easy road but thank you for taking us on your journey - hoping we are good company for you
Much love
Chris xxx

French Knots said...

Oh honey, mental health is stll such a hard thing to talk about, my husband is dogged by depression, it is so very hard. Perhaps a bit of blogging now and again, if it's what you feel like. Lots of love.xx

Stephanie Pettengell said...

Hi Lucy, so pleased to hear from you again and so happy you are feeling well enough to blog again. I missed you and I know many others missed you too. You will soon have us all laughing and bringing in the New Year with huge smiles on our faces.
Stay well and happy and blog again soon. X

The List Writer said...

Oh, I'm so sorry to hear you've been unwell. But I missed your blog and it is very good to have you back! Looking forward to stepping forward with you in the New Year.

Much love, N xx

katie said...

if depression was visible - like your leg in plaster - people would understand it - it is every bit as physical an illness as any other - so many of us are trying to cope with it. good thoughts and love to you Lucy for the effort you need to get through this - read Matthew Johnstone 'Living With A Black Dog' helps explain to others how it feels
xxxxxxx

willywagtail said...

So, so sorry to hear about the big drop. Every new thing is entirely devastating until we find the definition of it and begin to understand. It seems like you have a positive strategy. That's great but don't berate yourself for the times it doesn't work. It is perfectly fine for a sick person to feel sick - so it is fine for a depressed person to fall in holes, sometimes even huge ones. Hope things work out for you whichever way they go. Cherrie a fellow sufferer.

Lina said...

Well done Lucy for being brave and putting this out there. A lot of us keep blogs for all sorts of reasons other than simply sharing craft, a recipe or photos so you're in good company. Thinking of you and hope that blogging brings you some positivity!

Karthi said...

Dearest Lucy,

I am so glad that you are back! Equally glad that you are better and back from the black hole...

Meanwhile my prayers and a biiiiiig hug come out to you all the way from India.

rachelmp said...

I've been thinking about you Lucy and I'm so glad to see you back. Hope things are looking sunnier each day x Rachel

Maura said...

Hi Lucy,
Wow, do I ever understand the whole craptastic thing that is depression! It's been known to bite me as well. I've just gone off my meds too... so far so good, but wondering if it was such a good idea now. Especially since my reasons are that the local English-speaking psych is uber uber expenive and the other doctor I've found is uber uber far from home or work (and doesn't work the days I have off!). Sending you a lot of love and warm tea from China!

Poshyarns said...

Oh Lucy, I am so sorry to read about your struggles. I hope that things get easier very soon and blog therapy seems an excellent idea. Be kind to yourself. Sending virtual hugs.

Jodie said...

Lucy - You are a champion....secretly I think its all that naughty Fred's fault...just post him off to me in Australia.

You know, it is nice to hear your blog -voice again my dear.

wonderwoman said...

Lucy am so sorry to hear you've been struggling and so happy to see you are beginning to climb back out - little steps are the best way - am thinking of you.Huge hugs


xxxxx

loulee said...

(((Hugs)) Been down there with you. There are always lots of us here who can understand and support you. My blogging friends were a huge support to me through some very dark times. Don't feel that you have to share everything, but I found that writing stuff down in my blog helped, almost like I was passing it on, or giving up. It's true what they say, about a problem shared....

wonderwoman said...

have sent you email.

xxx

Rachel said...

Welcome back Lucy, and well done for being brave enough to post about this. Sending you a big virtual hug.
Rachel xx

Alix said...

I am thrilled to see you back. Your blog is always good for me to read and I so enjoy reading about your projects. Best wishes!

Alix

Simone said...

I am sorry to hear that you have been visited by the 'black dog' Lucy. I empathise with you and also find blogging helps. Welcome back! x

Thimbleanna said...

Oh, sweet, darling Lucy! It's so good to see you back. I think blogging therapy is a good plan -- baby steps. And don't get caught up in all inspiration overload that is out there -- take your time. We love to hear from you and those adorable little Lockets!

marit said...

Big hugs to you, Lucy!

Gina said...

Lovely lovely Lucy... I'm so pleased that you are feeling better enough to blog a little. I'm sure you must realise you have lots of friends out here wishing you better... and we've missed you!

Jackie said...

Its lovely that you're back here and I wish I had seen this before I did mine! Well perhaps more people should blog about it and we would all know that there is a way out eventually.
I look forward to hearing more from you.
I am knitting...and playing facebook scrabble.

LiEr said...

Hello Lucy! Big HUG. You are so honest, and that's why I like coming here to visit. That, and gawking at the crafts you turn out. You are one of the people that make it hard for me to keep my Do Not Learn To Knit Or Crochet So As To Save Money For Groceries resolution. And you are so strong. Your family is lucky to have you, and you are lucky to have them. Have a good, good year, Ms Lucky Locket Pocket.

Jan said...

Hello Lucy, I'm glad you're back in blogland but I am so sorry to know the reason for your absence. Thank you for sharing your story; I hope it has helped you and I am sure it has helped/will help others. Look after yourself. Wishing you happy days, Jan.

ladydi said...

Dr. Blog is good, and so is his brother Dr. Chocolate. LOL! I have missed you, Lucy, and I am so happy you are back. I hope it warms your heart to know that so many of us from all over the world love you dearly.

Anonymous said...

Dear Lucy, as so many have already said, I am so glad to just hear your voice (even if it is echoing in your ears like a voice from another planet--have faith, you will hear your ownself again soon). Yes, I deal with depression and anxiety and I have tried many times to go off my meds for a lot of stupid reasons like money and pride and etc. Please, when you take your daily prozac (as I do) just think of crumbly old Kate in Oregon, taking hers and thinking she shouldn't have to...but, what the hell, we don't want to have to cut our ear off or something, do we? We're artists, dearie, and maybe we're the canaries in the coal mine, and we just need a little help to get along in this crazy, wonderful world. I'll be thinking of you, and looking forward to seeing whatever you can put out into blogland. Much love, from a faithful reader.

mrspao said...

Hi Lucy
I've been a long-time lurker on your blog and was sad to hear you had such a bad time with depression. I've had it myself in the past and it is awful. I'm glad you've decided to return to blogging and am cheering you on as I know it must be hard. I've really enjoyed reading your blog over the past couple of years so blog on!

mrspao from mrspao.com

Cathy said...

Glad you are back Lucy, I hope all these kind comments from people you may not even know gives you some positive get well vibes. Sounds a lot like you have turned a corner with your health.
xx

Leanne said...

Hi Lucy ....sending sunshine hugs from Oz. Take little steps and soon you will be running again.

Kitty said...

Oh Lucy, I'm so sorry to hear you've been poorly :( Like many of the others, I assumed you were so very busy. Have a cyber hug (((((Lucy))))). I think many more of us have 'been there' than perhaps let on. Depression is so utterly debilitating - nobody who hasn't experienced it can know just how 'disabled' one is when the black dog bites. I know you have lots of lovely friends, but if you ever want to chat via email or phone, you know where I am. Take care of you. :) xx

melanie said...

You poor poor thing Lucy, I know just how you feel. I am really hoping you get better soon and have a great New Year :) xxx

monda-loves said...

Big hugs to you. My Dad recently went through a bout of depression - it's hard but well done you for making a step out there. Keep making them, do a little here and a little there, and we'll all be here to cheer you along the way. Take care of yourself.
XX

Helen said...

Missed you sweetie, glad you are back xx

Sue said...

I have been in those shoes years ago but God healed me. One of the things that helped me to get off the meds (not prozac but similar) was Vitamin B 6.

I am glad you are doing good. Blessings, Sue

Sew Create It - Jane said...

So good to see you back on-line..but sorry to hear that you've been having a tough time. Hopefully the new year and the new outlook will get you back on track...We are all rooting for you ;o)

julie said...

It's lovely to see you back again and to hear that you are on the beginning of the upward slope. I hope that everything starts to gather momentum for you now. Thinking of you lots and wishing you those same 2 things, gentleness with yourself and hope xxx

Bobo Bun said...

Sad to hear that you've been battling this for so long and then to go through such an episode. Glad you're finding the strength to post as I think it's really therapeutic.

X

Anonymous said...

Hi Lucy - empathise with you in your anxiety state - I have suffered anxiety/depression for many years, and find that what does it for me is Paroxetine, Azor and a beta blocker which keeps the BP down ! then of course the lifestyle thing, which is all important, keeping busy with mood enhancing handwork, good music etc ~ regards - Twan Renwick Hilton South Africa

Twiggy said...

Great to see you back Lucy. I suffer from depression too from time to time and it is the small things that help you back into the sunshine. Blogging and blog love also helps, sending tons of hugs.
Twiggy x

Annie said...

Oh Lucy, just know that you're not alone. I too suffer and a couple of years ago, tried the same thing as you with the same result. I've just accepted the drugs now as part of my life, but still struggle some days. Sewing is a great comfort, and of course my regular visits to the "talking doctor" - thinking of you

Moogsmum said...

Hey Locket - I was an idiot and marked the whole of Google Reader as 'Read' and completely missed this post! I'm glad you're back where you belong as blogland is a lesser place without you. Huge well done on a very honest and upfront post.

Keep texting me - I'm always here for you.

Let's hope 2011 is a much kinder year for you :o)

((((HUGS))))

Moogs xxxx

joanie said...

Lucy, sorry to be late to this post. I think most people will have some experience of these illnesses so sharing is so good. I'm really glad to "see" you back here too. I didn't have time to read all the wonderful supportive comments but when I'm feeling blue I get outside for a long walk no matter how ugly it is outside and know matter how much I don't feel like it. It's hard with work schedules and children, etc. but try and make time for the fresh air, especially important this time of year. Also make time for yourself. Drink more tea, get into a good book, start a journal for your thoughts. Take medication if it works for you and listen to your body.
Also, look at the amazing response to this post and smile, listen to your kids giggle and oh yea, I find doing something like making pancakes or dessert for dinner good for the body and mind too (okay maybe not so much for the body, but definitely the mind:)
Jx

Anonymous said...

Hello: I've just read your blog for the 1st time - good for you for having the blog as your outlet - such a positive thing for you to do for yourself!!!! I have a daughter who just decided she didn't want to take her zoloft anymore - and she's not a happy girl right now, so I know where you've been. Best wishes, Barb